jennybeanca

one of these days these boots are going to walk all over you

2007-05-05T06:18:33Z

I got a pair of combat boots! They're big and black, they go up to about the middle of my calf. They're a little too big, so I have to double up the sock with them, and they squeak when I walk, but I still absolutely LOVE them! The front of my thighs are sore from walking around in them for about 7 hours yesterday. For my style and cultural studies discussion, we were instructed to wear a garment or outfit that portrayed who were are or aren't. This task inspired me to get the boots, which I've been wanting for a couple of months. Anyways, I dressed up in a black pleated skirt to my knees, the boots, a shirt that said "Little Miss Bad", Nicole's spiked choker, a skull and crossbone necklace, a guitar zip up hoodie, and a belt with thin chains looped on it. It was actually really enjoyable to wear that outfit- i felt like it really fit me and my personality. I told my discussion that the outfit really demonstrated my musical tastes, but that it was a little more attention-grabbing than I like. Still, even though it was attention-getting, I think it portrayed more of me than I tend to outwardly display. I think that for once, people would have pegged my musical interests correctly based on my outward appearance instead of thinking I was into softer stuff. I love my boots, and I'm so glad that I got them!

life

2007-03-12T23:11:02Z

So, the quarter is about to end, and i have come to the stark realization that i will be graduating soon. it's a weird feeling- i'm not sure what to think. it's scary and exciting. Finding some of my cousins on myspace has increased all of my thinking about graduation and life after it. I'm not particularly close to any of my cousins, which is sad, so I find it very interesting to look at their myspace pages and get some sense of the person they have become. most of them are older than me, so it's nice to see what they've done with their lives and it makes me think what will become of my life. Some of them have kids of their own. One is pregnant. One is engaged and going to get married in november. one is apparently almost out of the military. some graduated from college, some didn't go to college, and some are somewhere in between. in them i see all these different life paths and yet us being related brings us all together. The idea of so many different things being able to happen in your life is exciting, and it's made me more optimistic about graduation. if i could figure out what i was doing and where i was living after graduation, that would make things even more optimistic.

jennybeanca @ 2006-12-03T00:43:00

2006-12-03T07:43:24Z

gearing up for the end of the quarter, as i am sure most of you are also doing, and i'm using this entry as a excuse to not have to keep working on a paper. carolyn and i went out to a traffic light party where we learned how anti-girl a guy can be when he is rejected and drunk. i believe i was one of those designated as a slut who deserves to be treated badly by boys. i try to enjoy being amused by that coming from a boy who was making moves on girls when he had a girlfriend. carolyn and i always seem to have a crazy time when we go out- can't wait til spring break to see what kind of trouble we can stir up! For now, i'm trying to finish a paper early to accomodate the concerts i'm going to this week. tomorrow is primus working medical, followed by all american rejects in san jose also as medical. Then, the event i am most excited about, i actually get to go to black label society in sf as an actual patron. me and three of the four webster boys should make for an interesting car ride and concert experience! After that, it's back to major finals studying and dreaming of the end of the quarter and christmas break. Then it's time to party it up for liz's bday and end of finals celebrations! The best part of being on quarter system, besides starting so late, is that we get three post-finals celebrations instead of just two!!! should be going to vegas for the first time since turning 21 between christmas and new years.

jennybeanca @ 2006-07-26T18:01:00

2006-07-27T01:01:18Z

i saw this on facebook and i just thought it was too cute not to share

----------------Girls----------------------------
------- -----are like apples-------------------
--------on trees. The best ones-----------
------are at the top of the tree.--------
----The boys dont want to reach------
---for the good ones because they ------
-are afraid of falling and getting hurt.----
Instead, they just get the rotten apples-
---from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
-something is wrong with them, when in
--reality, they're amazing. They just
---have to wait for the right boy to-------
----- come along, the one who's-----------
----------- brave enough to-----------------
-----------------climb all----------------------
----------------- the way---------------------
-----------------to the top--------------------
---------------- of the tree.------------------

jennybeanca @ 2006-06-30T23:45:00

2006-07-01T06:45:17Z

Every flower blooms in its own time.

jennybeanca @ 2006-06-20T21:43:00

2006-06-21T04:55:31Z

i started at fireworks yesterday. as usual, it should be an interesting season. I'm already logging about 10 hours (including a 30 min lunch) a day. There is more office staff than last year. I feel SOO immensely OLD though, compared to other workers at fireworks. I'm pretty sure that i'm older that all of the "kid" office staff by about 2 years. While I'm excited about turning 21, they're celebrating high school graduations and turning 19! It's amusing- in DC, i was young, and now, in the space of 2 weeks, i'm old. hahahah i'm counting down the days to 21. it hasn't hit me as reality yet, but it will soon i'm thinking. look on facebook for the invitation, if you're reading this you are most likely invited!

we're coming to the finish line

2006-06-03T01:53:53Z

finished my rough draft of my paper, went to the NYC, and gave a presentation on my paper today. only a week left til i fly home!!!

if it smells like weed.....

2006-05-07T05:47:34Z

i was sitting in my room tonight and i swore i could smell weed, but i thought since i had thought i smelled weed at work (and that's awfully unlikely), that i was just hallucinating. i should have known that even though we may be in washington, dc, we're still californians. thank god for californians, cause i find the smell of pot so comforting. it just makes me relax. anyways, i thought it was funny and it made me think of cali and smile. miss all you in cali and abroad, but i'm having fun here, and i'm excited to see you again in a little over a month!

jennybeanca @ 2006-04-15T22:48:00

2006-04-16T05:55:35Z

so, tried to get into this bar called the big hunt (cause supposedly they don't card). but, on saturdays at least, they do. so, that was a no go. ended up getting into an irish pub. they checked id at the table when we ordered drinks, but at least i got into the bar. that was cool. it was a pretty chill night. the group of us (i think there was about 9 of us) grabbed a table and gabbed. it was fun when two or three conversations were going on at the same time, especially because something interesting would be said, and all of the sudden, one conversation would be interrupted in order to ask a question about the other conversation. the boys (all 2 of them) were pretty pimp since they were surrounded by 7 very cute girls! i had a little of melissa's drinks, and i could have gotten one of my own after there was a waiter shift, but i wasn't in the mood. i'm just a wussy; can't wait til my birthday when i don't have to worry about it. part of it was also that i haven't been feeling great since i got here (sinus problems) and today i especially didn't feel well. anyways, i think that about all. i tried to dress up nice and i got blisters from my shoes, but it was worth it.

jennybeanca @ 2006-04-15T19:07:00

2006-04-16T02:08:02Z

last night: drinking at the lincoln memorial. tonight: saw brian and trying to get me into a bar (i'll let you know how it goes!).

i think i'm gonna crack

2006-04-14T03:23:31Z

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Relient K

jennybeanca @ 2006-04-10T20:50:00

2006-04-11T03:59:00Z

hey, quick entry before bed. i walked in one of the immigrant protest marches and then both melissa and i attended the rally at the National Mall. CNN.com says that organizers are saying 500,000 people were there. i'm not sure it was that high, but there were A LOT of people. it was so amazing. it was probably one of the biggest things that i have ever been apart of. i realized that in that moment i was part of something bigger than me, so much bigger. when i saw the march coming towards me from up the street (before i joined it), i almost cried; i was just so moved. anyways, i thought it was amazing enough to write about. melissa and i complained a quarter or two ago that there were no good big protests like the ones during the Civil Rights Movement. how great that all the sudden a huge issue and response presented itself during the two and a half months that melissa and i are here!!!!

other than that, finally got my book for class, working on my research for my paper, and trying to find good 18+ clubs that melissa and a group of us can go to.

gotta go to bed now, cause i'm starting my new internship at the Jacobs' Institute of Women's Health tomorrow, and i have to be in by 9.

Nighty Night!

jennybeanca @ 2006-04-09T09:33:00

2006-04-09T16:39:20Z

while i'd hate to refute melissa's prediction that i'm going to get action, there's just no way it's going to happen. i, at this point, have no viable options. yeah, i know it's only 2 weeks into it, but the situation here is a lot like davis; any guy that i find interesting or attractive pretends like i'm invisible and seems highly interested in my roommates or friends. as metallica says, sad but true. and as for that connection melissa talks about.... i don't see it. i merely talked to a guy that shared a common interest with me (sports) and actually acted like i was there. i would see that as a conversation; if given the chance with others i would have done it with them too. so, don't expect to be hearing about any boy issues from me....unless it's about melissa or my other roommates.

Washington just got wild!

2006-03-29T22:35:20Z

so, an update on Melissa's journal. We're pretty sure that we met Tony Blair's son on the elevater! so, right now Melissa's going frantic calling people and telling them the story. i'll leave the whole story for a later update, but i figured it's my turn to beat melissa to the chase and post this info before her!

a pre-DC update

2006-03-26T09:10:38Z

so, still no internship, although I have some potential with the Washington Free Clinics, if they decide to email me back again and I fill out that volunteer application. I still have to do my taxes, and if when you read this, you say "oh shit," then you still have to do yours, too. I feel like i'm in denial of the whole thing. it's starting to creep in as i say goodbye to my car (joe took it back to cal poly for the quarter) and the webster boys for some reason. still, overall, it doesn't feel like i'm going. maybe it's cause the internship is still up and in the air and the possibility of having to come home still hovers over my head. and maybe it's just that i'm scared to leave this behind, even if it is for just a quarter. right now, i'm just trying not to freak out about flying. i think that's it- that's what's really clouding my ability to truly get in touch with me actually going to DC.

hilarious story. i went over to say goodbye to the webster boys, and almost as soon as i got in the door, sean hits me with, "jen, you have a medical background, how long can you stay high?" i responded with something about hearing that the effects can last up to 24 hours, and the boys told me that joe was currently on a 13 hour high. and he was. when i went to say goodbye to him, he fortunately woke up, but looked and acted as stoned as if it had just hit him. even funnier, sean and chris were supposed to take joe home with them, but they left him behind. they made plans about carrying out to the pool and lay him out for the day, but they decided that he was too difficult to lift. he probably was since he was sleeping in a position that reminded me of caeser in ancient rome propping his head up while laying on his little couchy thing and being fed grapes.

i'm starting to think my relationships and interactions will be different in DC. and, it seems that so far it's my interactions with females that will be different. two girls from the davis dc contigent facebook messaged me and i even had a pretty good in person conversation with one of them on the way to class. however, i have one very interesting meeting already set up. i decided to im brian about how close we were to being in the same city and the response was from amanda asking who i was. at least brian must have been around, cause she wrote that brian said she should know who i was, but she didn't. after explaining who i was, she gave some response about, "oh," "it's just that some friends of brian's mistreated him because of me." then came the juicy part. she wrote, "so when i meet those girls". i was thinking, oh great, i think she's talking about me and the next line is going to be about how she'll kick my ass or something like that. then she continued with "i'll have to try and be nice to them." so, apparently she doesn't consider me one of the girls that mistreated brian, or brian didn't tell her that i was one of those girls. i'm really going to have to be on my best behavior. i've never met her, and with all that i know, i don't like her. and it's not that she's not a nice person- she probably is. my problem is that she is so incredibly insecure that it's driving me nuts. geez, all she has to do is find out that i used to like brian, and she would probably turn on me in a heartbeat. oh man, it could be really interesting dealing with her.

i still have packing to do, and while i wish that i could take a guitar with me, it looks like i probably won't. i might just buy a cheapy guitar back in DC that i can use for the short duration.

so, in short, i'm trying not to completely break down before my flight, while being completely in the air about internships, and how dealing with amanda is going to be (although that's pretty low on the concern list right now), and realizing how incredibly awkward it is to say goodbye to people. it feels like it's for so long, even though it's only as long (or even shorter) than summer vacation.

for now, i'm just trying to take a deep breath and get ready for the ride.

yay, boy drama is over (at least i think so...)

2006-03-12T02:20:22Z

ok, time to continue my last entry. so, my date....

he picked me up at my apartment and we decided to go to crepeville. for some reason (he said it's cause davis parking is so bad) he parked like 2 or 3 blocks away from the restaurant. anyways, i got this great crepe with avocado in it (yummy!) Conversation went ok; you know when guys drop little sexual innuendos, but it isn't cute or charming?- it was like that. He was nice, so that was good. since he was away in korea during the last year, he knew almost nothing about all the hurricane katrina stuff, which was so strange to me considering how much it was in the news here in the United States. anyways, after dinner, we were walking back to the car, but he just kept walking past the street we were supposed to turn at. when i told him we had missed it, he said something like, "let's just keep walking," so we walked around for a little bit. On the walk, he showed me some pictures of his time in Korea and of his trip to Japan. Then he took a picture of me, and after i made a comment about him erasing it, he said i looked fine. he changed it to hot (which is his word for cool) after i made some sarcastic comment about how fine was so good. There was a little bit of a flirtation during that, but then awkwardness just kinda set in again. We got back to the car and while he was driving me back to my apartment, i made the mistake of asking him about the time change between here and korea. he said that he didn't memorize it, but it was on his phone, so he started searching around in his pockets for his phone, and while he was doing that, he completely ran a red light. i guess he is or was catholic cause when we passed the catholic church i used to go to, he said he had gone there a few times when he lived in davis. anyways, he walked me up to my apartment door, and just when that awkward moment occurred where you're thinking, "do i just say goodnight, hug him, let him make a move" nicole opened the door on her way out to return movies. it was hilarious, cause i think she understood what she was walking into. so, after a quick chat, she scooted away, and melissa ended up tapping the door closed, which gave the door closing a dramatic effect. as that happened, i caught out of the corner of my eye camille coming up the stairs. So, I gave him a quick hug, told him to have fun in texas, and went inside. i think it turned out ok i think and it probably was best that my roommates all decided to be around at the same time for the first time in weeks cause that could have been weird.

anyways, i guess the lesson was that, no, i don't see this guy in any light other than an aquaintance, which is hard, cause i think he wants more. it makes it difficult to even want to talk to him. i'm not really liking this dating guys that i'm not interested in thing. i'm thinking of maybe doing away with my "give them one chance" rule. it seems to make dating pointless. i think i would rather wait for a date with someone i like than going on dates for the sake of going on dates or because i don't want to hurt someone's feelings. hopefully it won't be an issue. anyways, i think that's about it. in GREAT NEWS- Ozzfest is going to rock this year. System of a Down, Disturbed, and Black Label Society will be there, and maybe Ozzy. System and Disturbed were our busiest concerts and Ozzfest is always immensely busy, so, this Ozzfest is going to be CRAZY! the date is in the middle of my intense fireworks season, but i think they'll just have to live with me missing a day!

jennybeanca @ 2006-03-09T23:58:00

2006-03-10T08:51:23Z

ok, so now that my paper is done, i have to get to those as promised details. it's been a little crazy boy-wise the last couple of days....
on sunday night, i got a message from this guy i went on a date with last month. i accepted his facebook friend request cause i didn't think it would be a problem. after all, lots of people friend people they aren't actually friends with and it's not a problem. so, anyways, it said something about how he saw that i had updated my profile and he had forgotten that i was going to dc. he wanted to hang out and party it up before i left. i wanted to ignore it, but i felt bad from when i had ignored him when he wanted a second date. i also didn't want to lie, but i didn't want to be harsh either. since i had such strict parameters, i needed a boy's help for response crafting, so i enlisted sean to help me out. so, i ended up sending a message back along the lines of, "perhaps, but i'm really busy right now and i'm going to be busy in the future til when i go to dc." while i was in the middle of drafting messages, drama boy asked me to dinner on tuesday. drama boy was in a drama class from spring of freshman year with me. i had a feeling that he liked me back then (which i found out that he did)and then after that class, he graduated and joined the army. for the last year, he's been in korea. he's now stationed in texas and he had a couple of weeks before moving to texas to come to california to visit family and friends. and he decided to come to davis. anyways, it was really weird to have to deal with one guy that was being kinda creepy by asking guy advice from a guy (which i like never do) and then getting asked out on a date all at the same time. melissa was laughing hysterically cause i was finally having boy drama.

anyways, i accepted the dinner invite. the next day i got a message from the first guy saying that he knew i would be stressed, but he really wanted to see me and send me off to dc with a bang and was there any time i would be available before i got stressed out? sean told me to tell him to fuck off, but melissa helped me craft a nicer response about how i was already busy and stressed and that i doubt i'll see him. I haven't gotten a message back yet, so i assume he got the point.

as for my date, i'm leaving that to another entry cause i'm getting tired and i want some ice cream before i got to bed.

jennybeanca @ 2006-03-08T15:06:00

2006-03-08T23:08:49Z

the last few days have been full of boy drama, but i have a paper i really need to get done, so, this is the little teaser til i have time to write an entry!

jennybeanca @ 2006-03-04T23:25:00

2006-03-05T07:27:19Z

maybe it's just me, but when guys start to bemoan not having "a pretty girl", i think it's a bad sign. maybe it's just cause i'm not used to it, but it just seems weird to me. maybe it's a sign that girls and guys are a lot more alike than everyone thinks (so much for that men are from mars, women are from venus stuff). maybe i just say maybe too much.

Korn

2006-03-02T04:07:59Z

after 4 months and 2 cancelled concerts, i finally worked another show last night: Korn. It's always nice to work the concert of a group you like, and i was fairly stoked that the concert actually happened, so that in itself would have made it a positive concert experience. but, it turned out to be an awesome show! showing up early is the way to go, cause it gets you assigned to team 1, which probably gets the most calls. also had a paramedic on our team which probably garnered us our assignment to the pit area. It was a busy night, yay for that! not that i like people getting hurt or anything, but it makes the concert go faster. the best part was that thanks to the sweet-talking and ass-kissing of the paramedic on our team, we got to stand on the side next to the stage....SOOOO AWESOME! when the guitarist and lead singer came over to the side of the stage, i was like 10-15 feet away! i could see their eyeliner and dreds and watch what the guitarist was playing without my view being blocked. i was just so totally thrilled by it. went backstage too, cause we were escorting a patient back to medical and decided that it was immediate enough to do such a thing. anyways, working disturbed on monday at memorial auditorium. should be interesting...angry band in a small setting. might mean brutality. however, we did work audioslave there and there were barely any problems. maybe i'll see becker there again.

still proving almost impossible to get an internship that i want. i keep having this feeling that i'll be the first person not to get an internship or that if i'm not, i'll get stuck in this awful internship that i absolutely dispise.

i really should eat and get back to homework now.

jennybeanca @ 2006-02-14T12:24:00

2006-02-14T20:24:50Z

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!! if you are reading this, you are loved (by me!) have a great day!

jennybeanca @ 2006-02-05T23:45:00

2006-02-06T07:46:05Z

"I missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jennybeanca @ 2006-01-18T23:14:00

2006-01-19T07:36:05Z

so, i suppose i have gathered enough to make a journal entry. this last weekend was fairly eventful in a good and bad way. On saturday, melissa, natalie and i went to a party and I made the mistake of drinking too much in too short a time on an empty stomach. We decided to go to in n' out burger. At that point, i was still a crazy drunk who was talking about how her legs felt heavy. We had been at in n' out only a few minutes- enough for nat and misa to order something- when the evil swing from happy drunk to sick drunk started to take place. Anyways, i spent an hour in the bathroom becoming very well acquainted with worshipping the porcelian god. nat and misa were real troopers; at least one of them was with me the entire time. so, that majorly sucked, as did the fact that i felt dizzy til about 130 sunday afternoon. I hate being dizzy, it takes me back to senior year of high school when i was dizzy for a week and just about wanted to die. the irony about saturday was that i had my first major hangover in at least a year on the day of my very first date EVER! This guy had asked for my number at a party the weekend before, and we set up a date for coffee and pool. fortuneately, it was at 5, so i was fairly well recovered by then. anyways, it was ok, but definitely a one date kind of a thing. he was a good conversationalist, but there just wasn't a spark there. and of course, he didn't help himself by kissing me, but he came at me open mouth and all the sudden, his tongue was in my mouth. it was just an ewww moment. he did the same thing at the party, but things don't seem as bad when you're drunk. Anyways, he texted me the day after and said that he had a good time and hoped to see me again sometime soon, but i haven't heard from him since. That's ok with me; it keeps me from having to come out and say no.

Even though the date didn't go great, it was still very helpful. i think all this time, i've been suffering a little bit from "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. how dreary single life is, and how wonderful dating and relationships. anyways, at the end of my date, the thought just popped into my head that i'm glad that i'm single. I think that it's that i have this great freedom. of course, in the right relationship, i'm sure there's freedom too. i guess the difference for me is that i can do what i want when i want. I don't have to worry about someone else's schedule, or worry what someone else is going to think about this or that, or pretend to care about what someone else is saying. I definitely do do these things at times, but it's nice to have them be the selected events and times that i choose. german history class has taught me that i am a romantic also in the sense that i try to distance myself from society or isolate myself. Additionally, i also fit the bill in the sense that i often feel that people will never understand me, but i want people in my life anyways. sounds ironic, but i have always held a warmth for and fascination with the ironic.

i guess that's all for now; i'll update if anything else comes up.

jennybeanca @ 2006-01-02T17:55:00

2006-01-03T01:57:22Z

my notre dame fighting irish had an up and down year this year. finally came back out of the dumper, lost a heartbreaking game to usc in the final seconds of a game (on a tremendously lucky play), and finally, lost the fiesta bowl today to ohio state 34-20.

you know you love your family when....

2005-12-25T07:42:23Z

during our card game tonight...

my sister turned to my grandmother and said: "Don't make me get the tape!"

a couple of minutes later, my grandmother retorted by calling calling my sister a physic face (i guess that's how it's spelled; that's how it sounds). Since my sister and i had no idea what that meant, my grandfather piped in, "it's a laxative!" That led into tons of laughter and talking about if certain names were worse or better than being called laxative face!

Happy Holidays and hoping you are enjoying whoever you are with!